


All the love i share with you

by hyukimchi



Series: Ateez College AU [2]
Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Abusive Father, Backstory, Bisexual Character, College AU, Friends to Lovers, Growing Up, Its only mentioned at two points of the story, M/M, Prequel to All that Jazz, Pressure, Seonghwa and Hongjoong are best friends, Seonghwa and Hongjoong are oblivious, Seonghwa and Jongho are brothers, abusive punishment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:41:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26395072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyukimchi/pseuds/hyukimchi
Summary: Backstory to Seonghwas and Hongjoongs relationship in 'All that Jazz'
Relationships: Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa, Minor Choi Jongho/Kang Yeosang - Relationship
Series: Ateez College AU [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1753105
Kudos: 34





	All the love i share with you

**Author's Note:**

> cw//abusive parents, abusive punishments, pressure to succeed, crying
> 
> Otherwise its pretty wholesome and i hope you like this little backstory to Seonghwa and Hongjoong! I will also write Oneshots for the other couples at some point :)

Seonghwas life always involved studying and working. He had always known, since he was young, that he needed to be a doctor. His father had made it really clear that this was the only thing that mattered to him and the last thing that Seonghwa wanted was to disappoint his father.

So he studied all the time since he came into middle school. Jongho, his younger brother, and he always had the best grades wherever they were. And that wasn’t something they had a saying in. Seonghwa knew exactly that when he didn’t do his best and brought home the best grades that he would be in trouble. Jongho as well, even though the boy was still two years younger than him. And their father was strict, an old man with clear visions on what his sons had to do and what not. And he made his opinion clear whenever the boys would bring back something worse than a B.

Seonghwa had really clear memories of the day he brought home his first and last C- from school. He was never the best kid in English class but he wasn’t bad at all. And he had studied the whole night, well maybe not as much as he should have – his phone had been really distracting that night – because when he got the test back he gulped, the big red C- smiling evilly back at him and he already knew: this wasn’t good. He was in 2nd grade of middle school back then, barely 12 years old. His way home had took twice as long as normally, he decided that he probably should just walk home. But he knew he had to show his father his grade and he had expected what happened as soon as he saw the big C-. He vividly remembered Jonghos loud gasp when his fathers hand landed on his cheek. He had tears in his eyes but he refused to cry, his father would have screamed even more at him if he had started crying now. He had just went up to his room, Jongho quickly following after him, and the two boys had hid in the older boys room until it was time for dinner. In the end, Seonghwa was the one calming down Jongho, the young boy too shocked by his fathers actions against his older brother. 

Since that they Seonghwa made sure to be a straight A student. He studied every free minute he had, he read books that weren’t normal for his age and he made sure to never disappoint his father again like he did. When Jongho had come home with his first bad grade he was there for him after their father had screamed at the back then 12 years old boy, holding his brother until he fell asleep. He was the perfect student and brother. 

Until Kim Hongjoong came his way. 

Kim Hongjoong is a vibrant boy and probably the exact opposite of Seonghwa himself. Seonghwa was quiet and organized whereas Hongjoong was loud and chaotic and open-minded. And Seonghwa really didn’t know what to think of the boy when he first came into his class in the first year of high school.  
 _Seonghwa sat on his place, earphones in and reading a book about astrology – some of his guilty pleasures he didn’t tell he father about because he thought astrology an mythology where ‘a waste of time’ – when the smaller boy entered the classroom with a loud ‘good morning everyone!’ and walked straight over to the free table next to Seonghwa.  
When Seonghwa looked up and took out his earphones he almost fell off his chair when the new boy stood right in front of his desk, smiling brightly. His hair was a light brown and a lot of glitter was smeared on his cheeks. He was wearing a bright pink hoodie and fitting black shorts and Seonghwa almost choked.   
The boy was so beautiful, Seonghwa let his book fall back on his desk, staring at the boy in awe.   
Seonghwa noticed that he was bisexual a year ago when he first had a crush on a girl in his class and then a crush on the actor in one of his favourite dramas. He hadn’t told anyone but Jongho but that wasn’t because he was ashamed of it but because he didn’t have any other friends. And this new boy was definitely his type._

_“Hello! I’m Hongjoong, I’m gonna sit next to you from now on if that’s ok”, the boy beamed at him, fleshing a bright smile and Seonghwa couldn’t help but smile himself, sitting up properly on his chair. “Um, yea, i-I’m Seonghwa. Nice t-to meet you”, he stammered and mentally slapped himself for stuttering in front of the small boy but Hongjoong just smiled and sit down next to him. Seonghwa thought the conversation would have ended there but when he picked up his book again he couldn’t help but notice the smaller boy looking over to him the whole time. He side glanced to the boy who blushed and smiled shyly when he saw that Seonghwa noticed him. Seonhwa wanted to squish his cheeks. “I’m sorry but are you also interested in astrology?”, Hongjoong had asked and so they talked about all kinds of planets and stars until the teacher arrived. Seonghwa couldn’t help but think of Hongjoong as a star as well._

And the boy seemed interested in him too because he didn’t stop following him afterwards. They apparently shared most of their courses what Seonghwa didn’t mind at all. He even liked how the smaller couldn’t shut up. He told him about how he wanted to be an artist and how he wanted to dye his hair again but his parents didn’t allow him. Seonghwa also found out that Hongjoong was a really adventurous boy in contrast to Seonghwa. He went out a lot with his friends and he wanted to join the high schools cheerleading team. He liked to paint on himself and on his friends and he had a small obsession with makeup. 

But most importantly: Hongjoong was a raging gay. He didn’t make a fuss about it, he was really open with his sexuality but it caught Seonghwa of guard nonetheless. He had found about this when he met up with the boy after school for the third time. He made sure to bring Hongjoong over when his parents weren’t around, he didn’t want them to find out that he had actually made a friend that ‘distracted’ him from studying. They had sat on Seonghwas bed, looking through some books Seonghwa owned when Hongjoong had just blurted out that he was gay. At first Seonghwa had been shocked. But not because he was against it – he had the biggest crush on the boy, why would he be against his boy crush being gay? – but because he hadn’t expected the other to just tell him like this. But the (apparently too long) pause had made Hongjoong anxious and he was about to go when Seonghwa had just said: “I’m bi too, don’t worry.” 

After this the boys had been inseperable. And Hongjoong had been even clingier than he was in general. Seonghwa quickly learned that when you are friends with Kim Hongjoong you had to prepare yourself for a lot of hugs and a lap full of the boy whenever he felt like it. Not that Seonghwa cared even though the lap sitting could be…inconvenient when it came to his big crush on the makeup wearing, colourful boy. 

Hongjoong had met Jongho around a month after the two boys had met. Jongho had come early from Judo practice he went to almost every second day after school and he hadn’t expected to find a unknown boy in a big blue tshirt – one of Seonghwas – and shorts on his brothers bed, Seonghwa nowhere to be seen. 

_“W-who are you?” he asked the boy, staring at Hongjoong who was staring back at him, gasping. “Who are YOU?”, he asked, quickly standing up and going over to Jongho on the door. Even though Hongjoong was older than Jongho he still had to look up at the boy who had grown a lot in the past year for 13 years old. Jongho raised an eyebrow at the older, seemingly confused. “I’m Seonghwas younger brother Park Jongho. Mind explaining why you are in my brothers room on my brothers bed?” Hongjoong gasped at the statement before smiling brightly and holding his hand out to Jongho who looked even more confused. “Hello, I’m Kim Hongjoong, I’m Seonghwas friend, nice to meet you! And its hyung for you, brat!”, the smaller boy said the last part with a pout and Jongho couldn’t help but smile as well, reaching out to the bright boys hand. “Nice to meet you too, hyung.”_

When Seonghwa had come back from getting some snacks for Hongjoong and himself he had almost let go of the bowl when he saw Jongho and Hongjoong both on his bed, chatting away. After that Jongho joined them every time he didn’t have Judo practice. Hongjoong quickly acted as if Jongho was his own brother, babying the boy and giving him all sorts of nicknames. At first, Seonghwa had felt a wave of jealousy when Hongjoong clung to Jongho instead of him or when he sat down on Jonghos lap instead of his when they went out. But Hongjoong just saw a little brother in the younger boy and Jongho wasn’t interested in the older boy. But these situations cleared a lot between Seonghwa and Jongho when Seonghwa entered the second year of high school.

_“What the fuck, hyung! Why are you jealous of me of all people Hongjoong hangs out with??”, Jongho practically screamed at him, he was hurt. Seonghwa could understand why. He had just snapped at him after they came back from hanging out with Hongjoong at the smaller boys house. Hongjoong had been especially touchy with Jongho and Seonghwa couldn’t help but feel jealous of his little brother. It annoyed him as well. They now were in his room, and Seonghwa was walking up and down the room, pulling his own hair. “Ugh, I don’t know! I just…I cant help it! He just paid so much attention to you and I just…argh, I don’t know, its stupid, you’re not even gay, why do I even care that much?”  
Seonghwa had walked up and down his room a few more times until he noticed that Jongho hadn’t answered. He stopped pacing around and gave his brother a confused look when he saw his head hanging lowly, the younger nervously playing with his fingers in his lap. Seonghwa scrunched his eyebrows together. “Did I say something wrong?”, he asked, walking up to his brother.   
“W-what if I am gay?” the youngers voice was so quiet that the older almost didn’t understand him. Almost. He crouched down in front of Jongho. “You are gay?”, he asked in the softest voice he could physically produce. Jongho didn’t answer again but Seonghwa could see his younger brother shaking. He encouragingly lied his hands on the youngers knees. “Hey, you know that I accept you the way you are, right? You know that Hongjoong is gay too and you know that I like boys too, you don’t need to feel ashamed.”  
Jongho didn’t say anything but Seonghwa felt how the younger boy started crying before he threw himself into Seonghwas arms. That’s how they stayed until their father called them for dinner. _

Seonghwa had promised Jongho though that he woudnt tell anyone, not even Hongjoong. And that’s what he did but the smaller boy found out anyways. It was on a rainy day when Seonghwa almost ended the second grade of high school. 

_Jongho laid on his stomach on Hongjoongs bed while the boy tried out some makeup he had seen on the internet. Seonghwa wasn’t there since he had to study for his finals. Their father had already found out about Hongjoong and that the boys had started to hang out with the bright boy but he surprisingly didn’t stop them from hanging out with the boy as long as they stayed A students. And that the boys did. So the old man was fine. But Seonghwa still had to study so Jongho went to Hongjoong alone. So here he was, lying on the boys bed and watching him doing his makeup. He peacefully scrolled through his phone when the older boy suddenly stopped applying the blush he had in his hands and looked at Jongho through the mirror. Jongho looked back, raising one eyebrow.  
“Do you have anything to tell me, Jongho?”   
Jongho was even more confused than before, frowning. “What should I tell you, hyung?” Hongjoong sighed and turned around. He went over to Jongho and sat down next to him, smiling caringly but that confused Jongho even more. “You know that I will always love you? Even if you are gay?”  
Jongho gasped, shooting up into an upright position and widened his eyes. “I-I…what? I-I’m not g-gay!”, he screeched but Hongjoong just shook his head, patting the youngers shoulder. “Please, Jongho. How long do we know each other already? Havent I told you before that you are like a little brother to me? You don’t have to lie to me”, Hongjoong said, smiling his signature bright smile. Jongho was shocked for a second, then his bottom lip started to tremble and before he could even start crying he already found himself in Hongjoongs arms, the older mumbled reassuring phrases into his ear. The boys had spent the rest of the day lying in bed, cuddling and talking about how Jongho found out and also about Seonghwa, Jongho finding out that the smaller boy also had a crush on his brother. But just how Hongjoong had to promise that he wouldn’t tell anyone that Jongho was gay he also had to promise to not tell Seonghwa about the olders crush. He hadn’t thought that it would take the two boys that long to confess. _

Because when Hongjoong and Seonghwa graduated their mutual crushes were still hidden to one another. But that was also the time when the first awkward situations took place. It was actually the night of their graduation. Both boys had decided to ditch the prom as soon as all formal activities were done, crashing at Hongjoongs place.

_The two boys swayed into the younger boys room, both of them had a few shots of soju in their system. They fell down next to each other on the smaller boys bed. They were giggling and Seonghwa just had to take another glance at his crush. Hongjoong had finally dyed his hair again, he was platinum blond now and it was hanging into his perfectly beautiful eyes that were painted in a just as beautiful dark red and black. His lips were dark red too fitting to his red tuxedo with the cropped jacket and black glitter vest under it. He looked absolutely gorgeous. And that’s what Seonghwa said.  
“You are so beautiful, Hongjoong”, he whispered, not taking his eyes off of Hongjoong. Not even when he noticed what he said. Good thing the smaller boy had put some makeup on him before so his blush wasn’t too striking on his cheeks. Hongjoong didn’t even look at him though, he smiled up to the roof, mindlessly patted the blanket until he found Seonghwas hand and squeezed it. “You are beautiful too, Seonghwa? Have I ever told you? Or is it the alcohol that makes me think like this?” The boy giggled, making the older smile as well. “May be the alcohol.”  
Suddenly the boy turned to him or better turned onto him because Seonghwa suddenly found the boy on top of him. They both giggled. Definitely because of the alcohol and not because of how close their faces all of the sudden were. “Hi”, Hongjoong mumbled, smirking and Seonghwa wanted to say something too but he suddenly felt a pair of lips on the corner of his mouth. Only for a second but to Seonghwa it felt like hours. The makeup couldn’t hide his blush anymore, his face bright red. Hongjoong still smiled, eyes droopy. “I don’t think it’s the alcohol. I think you’re really beautiful.”  
And with that the boy fell down onto Seonghwa, face on the olders chest. Seonghwa wanted to say something, do something but he couldn’t. It was as if time stopped and he suddenly was very sober again. There were a thousand thoughts in his head and all of them revolved around Hongjoong. But before he could even say something he heard a quiet snoring from the smaller but and Seonghwa choose to not say anything.   
When he woke up Hongjoong didn’t seem to remember any of the incident from last night, just complaining how Seonghwa could have let him sleep in his expensive suit._

And it only got worse from there. Because the two boys had decided that, since they would go to the same college anyways, they could share an apartment. And that’s what they did. And it wasn’t always easy living together with your crush. There was one situation Seonghwa would never forget. The day he failed his first exam.

_“WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU?”, his father screamed at him. Seonghwa stood in the middle of their living room, hands behind his back, head low. “To always be the best”, he said, holding back any tear he would want to shed. “EXACTLY! And a failed exam is anything but the best!”, his father screamed. He already raised his hand to slap Seonghwa square in the face when Jongho came into the living room, running, and threw himself between Seonghwa and their father. “Don’t hit him, father, please!, the senior in high school pleaded, folding his hands before his face. Seonghwa looked at him with shock. “Jongho!”, he whisper-yelled but his brother ignored him. “Father, please, you know he will do better next time!”, Jongho continued and gave their father a pleading look. The old man just sighed, lowering his hand again. He looked past Jongho and at the black haired boy, eyes full of disappointment. “You better be successful next time”, he turned around and walked towards kitchen, “you know that I’m disappointed, right?” “Yes, father”, Seonghwa mumbled before their father left the living room. As soon as the door shut he fell to the floor, his knees too weak to hold him. “Hyung!” he heard Jongho say but he didn’t really listen to what he said, his ears were roaring and his head was throbbing.  
The next thing he could clearly remember was that Jongho and he arrived and Seonghwas and Hongjoongs apartment, the smaller boy already waiting for them worriedly in the doorframe. “Oh my god, Seonghwa!, he almost screamed, taking the older boy into his arms. Seonghwa closed his arms around the younger boy and that was the moment he realised he was crying. He let out a loud sob, hiding his face in Hongjoongs blonde hair.   
“I will leave you two alone. Please take care of my brother, Hongjoong hyung, and if you two need me, I will be at Wooyoungs place.” Seonghwa didn’t even bother to say anything, he could feel Hongjoong nodding and then his brother was gone and he was alone with Hongjoong. The latter directed them into their apartment and into Seonghwas bedroom. They sat down on the bed, Seonghwa buried his head in his hands. He could feel Hongjoong sitting down next to him, wrapping his arms around the older boy. “Hey its fine, Hwahwa, please, calm down, it will all be fine.” But Seonghwa wasn’t having it. His head shot up and he almost threw Hongjoong off the bed. “Nothing is good! I failed my exam and my dad almost hit me! He almost HIT ME, Hongjoong! And he would have if Jongho hadn’t interfered”, a sob left his throat, almost breaking Hongjoongs heart, “he hadn’t hit me since I was a boy. I-I-…” Seonghwa didn’t even knew how to end his rant, he just broke down again, leaning against Hongjoong and sobbing uncontrollably. He could hear how Hongjoong gasped loudly, a pitiful “Hwa…” leaving his lips but he didn’t want his pity. He wanted his comfort. He wanted his love…  
“I’m so sick of being the best all the time, I’m so sick of it! I just want to fail and still have my father be proud of me. I just want him to be proud of me…I just want someone to love me even if I fail…”, he look at Hongjoong, cheeks tear stained and eyes red, “Why cant he just love me like I am?” Why cant you just love me like I am?  
Hongjoong slapped a hand before his own mouth, a single tear leaving his right eye and he sobbed quietly. “Seonghwa…I-“  
He didn’t finish what he wanted to say because Seonghwa pulled him into his arms, pressing the smaller boy tightly against his chest. “I’m sorry, I didn’t want you to cry as well”, he tried to play it off with a joke but Hongjoong was already crying, clinging to the back of Seonghwas sweatshirt. “I-I’m so s-sorry Seonghwa, I’m so sorry”, he pressed out, tightening his clasp on Seonghwas back. The black haired boy carded a hand calmingly through Hongjoongs hair, shushing him. “Don’t apologize, you did nothing wrong. You are the perfect boy, don’t be sorry. You being here for me is all I could ask for.” And he meant it. All he needed to be happy was the colourful boy around him, his smile, his loud laugh and the sparkle in his eyes when he looked at Seonghwa. _

They hadn’t spoken about the day after. The day had been spend cuddling and watching movies but the next day none of them lost a word about it. It was as if it never happened and Seonghwa didn’t basically confessed his feelings to the younger. Jongho had punched him for that afterwards, calling him ‘stupid’ and he had scolded the younger for that but deep down he knew that Jongho was right. He was stupid. He should just tell Hongjoong the truth, about his crush. But he was afraid. Afraid of rejection Jongho had told him would never happen. But he couldn’t fully belief him yet.   
Not until now, when he was in the third year of College, after his talk with Jongho about Yeosang and how he should confess to him:

Jongho had just left his apartment when Hongjoong entered his room. He carefully opened the door, peeking into Seonghwas room. The older boy was amused about the boys shyness. “You know that you can always come into my room, right? Do you want something?” Hongjoong came into the room, closing the door behind him, an endearing blush on his cheeks. “I just wanted to ask what was up with Jjongie. He didn’t seem that good yesterday.” The red haired boy walked over to the bed, sitting down next to Seonghwa. The older boy affectionately wrapped one arm around the smaller boys shoulders and softly patted his hair. Hongjoong couldn’t help but smile. “He is fine, he is gonna talk to Yeosang tomorrow”, the older said before it was quiet again. The whole situation seemed tenser than normally.   
The talk with Jongho had made Seonghwa realise that it was time to confess to Hongjoong. It was almost seven years of having a crush on this boy that he was currently holding in his arms and he himself had realised that they were tip toeing around each other. Too many awkward encounters happening the past few weeks and he could also feel the change of behaviour within Hongjoong. He was blushing more than normally when Seonghwa hugged him and he seemed to be shier than normal too. Where he otherwise wouldn’t have hesitated to sit himself on Seonghwas lap he now asked the older if it was ok and he would more often choose Jongho over him. At first Seonghwa had been sad about the change Hongjoong had but Jongho had also told him – and Hongjoong would kill the younger boy if he found out – that the smaller boy often asked the younger boy for Seonghwas opinion and that he would talk about Seonghwa more often than normal.   
Seonghwa just had to risk confessing or he would explode at some point.

“I have to tell you something!”  
“I need to tell you something!”

The two boys laughed at their sudden exclamations, looking at each other. Seonghwa smiled. “You first”, he said, letting go of Hongjoong to sit down so he could look at the younger boy. Hongjoong smiled too but he seemed nervous. He took a deep breath before he started.  
“I like you, Seonghwa. I have since freshmen year in high school.”   
Oh. Seonghwa opened his mouth to say something but closed it again after the words he wanted to say didn’t leave his mouth. He could see how Hongjoong physically tensed up.   
“I-I’m sorry if I made it awkward between us now. W-well more awkward than before”, the boy mumbled, making Seonghwas eye widen. “No! I-I’m mean don’t be sorry!”, he stammered before taking a deep breath and continuing, “haven’t I told you to not apologize anymore and that you are perfect the way you are?” “B-but-…”, was Hongjoongs time to stutter but Seonghwa stopped him in a way that shocked them both: He pressed his lips to the smaller boys mouth.   
He hadn’t even realised how much he wanted to kiss the younger boy but now that he was doing it, he never wanted to stop. And when Hongjoong actually reproduced the kiss and moved his lips too Seonghwa swore he was on cloud nine. He carefully took the smaller boys face in his hands and pulled him even closer, sighing happily into the kiss. Hongjoongs small fists curled into the front of Seonghwas tshirt. They lips were moving in sync, it felt like they slotted perfectly together, as if they were made for each other. One of Seonghwas hands wandered to Hongjoongs waist, pulling the youngers body closer to him which ended with Hongjoong straddling one of his thighs. The art student gasped at the contact of his crotch to Seonghwas thigh and the black haired boy took that moment to lick into Hongjoongs mouth, making the red haired boy whine high in his throat. Seonghwa wanted to fraise that noise into his brain to never forget it. The younger boys hands wandered into his hair, pulling on it lightly, making Seonghwa groan.   
But then Hongjoong leaned back, gasping for air but a big smile on his face. “I will just take that as a you like me too?”, he playfully asked, leaning his forehead against Seonghwa. The older boy grinned brightly, laughing quietly. “Yea, you’re right. I like you too. No, I love you, Kim Hongjoong.” And they kissed again, Seonghwa pulling the boy properly onto his lap so he could wrap his legs around Seonghwas waist. But the heat wasn’t half as heated. Instead of hot and chaotic it was soft and loving and Seonghwa wanted to scream and laugh and cry because the boy that he loved since the moment he met him finally sat on his lap – which was nothing knew but still -, kissing him and reproducing his love. Seonghwa was the happiest boy on earth. They pulled away again, both giggling and Hongjoong buried his face in Seonghwas neck, the older could feel his grin on his skin. “You cant believe how happy I am right now”, Hongjoong mumbled, wrapping his arms tightly around Seonghwas shoulders. The older boy laughed. “Oh, believe me, I know how you feel because I feel the same. I cant believe I finally have you in my arms.” Hongjoong leaned back, giving him a crooked smile. “You always have me in your arms, pabo.” Seonghwa smirked, squeezing Hongjoongs right cheek between two of his fingers. “But now I can finally do this.” And he pecked Hongjoongs lips once, twice and that often that he lost count, happily falling back onto the bed with the boy he loved in his arms.

**Author's Note:**

> Twitter: @hyukimchii


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